Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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