Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
