Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
