I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
