There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
