69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
