filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
