dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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