If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
