I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
