Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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