4 words: hood of his car
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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