Is it because I queefed?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
This baby is an asshole
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
