Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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