I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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