make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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