My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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