we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
