I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
