dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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