A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
