eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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