Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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