my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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