when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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