I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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