just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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