I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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