the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
