I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
