I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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