even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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