dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
