My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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