She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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