how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just blew my weed a kiss
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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