I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize