I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
