I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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