My hand turned me down
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
