kristin has been a bad kristin
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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