i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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