Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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