just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
you never un-have a 4some
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
