I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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