Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
