Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
