The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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