fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
