i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
