You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
is wine microwaveable?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
