I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He felt like a one man threesome
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
