stop calling my apartment porn island.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
