The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
