he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
