If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
