i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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