Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
