Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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