We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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