i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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