just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
