Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
