OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
