Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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