Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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