I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
