He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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