Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
