I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
