i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
