Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize