Im just a social blackout drinker.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
we should paint friendship bongs
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
