Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Randomize
