I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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