I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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