oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
