he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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